Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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