"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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