So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
