Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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