Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
