Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
