I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The beer is more important than you right now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
