when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I still have a little drunk in my system
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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