she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
