It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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