I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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