the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
