Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
