so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
