tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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