Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have post one night stand depression
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