Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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