Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
