woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
