He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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