C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
