Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
