3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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