I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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