two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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