he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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