Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
