I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
