Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
