just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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