The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
