Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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