i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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