I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
