people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My breasts were aching with rage.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
