Buhtt sex?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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