Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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