Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
