To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
