my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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