I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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