No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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