So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
