Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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