i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
