the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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