My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
