I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
