don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I cut my penus on the lid.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
