I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
