Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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