Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
