just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
