I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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