omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The ass gains better be worth it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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