I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize