Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
