I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
