nutella sex= disaster
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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