If i come over, it means nothing
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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