She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
