weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
