The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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