omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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