after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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