Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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