You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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