you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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we need to invent and abuse teleportation
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.