I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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