i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dating After Heartbreak
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet