I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
