i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
