Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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