you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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