yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
