Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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