We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
