I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
