So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
